The Opportunity of Father's Day

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June 11, 2025 5 min read

Hey there, everyone. Brendan here once again; I wanted to take a moment to write about a holiday that we all know and recognize on its face, but in general seems to be handled with a one note approach. Although everyone's life and circumstances are different, of course, Father's Day is generally 'coded' as a time for grilling, golf and the kind of bad dad jokes that make your eyes roll.

It's been something I like to call a "restaurant holiday," where you get out your best polo shirt or graduation party dress and go to a local place that is just fancy enough to commemorate an occasion. All this to say, I think we've kind of neglected Father's Day (and yes, Mother's Day too) as an actual opportunity to say thank you to the dads out there, and to do more than just pay four dollars for a card that has a caption we could have come up with ourselves. Father's Day is a chance to engage honestly with dads, to help them feel not only appreciated, but heard and understood.

(I am well aware that many folks don't have the best relationships with their own parents, and I respect those who shoulder that kind of burden. I believe that everyone knows at least one good dad, even if it isn't their own, and this is a chance to help them too.)

There's been a lot of talk about the concept of "toxic masculinity," a duo of words that will no doubt make many people roll their eyes even worse than the dad jokes. That phrase has received something of a forcible redefinition in the cultural eye, though, and what people think it means isn't what it was necessarily intended to. What toxic masculinity really is, all rhetoric aside, is the idea that because men are men, they are inherently required to dilute or mute their emotions, because of the cultural image of the stoic, square-jawed male who does not have a home so much as a castle, not so much a family as subjects he rules, and not so much an identity as a cliche. The very phrase "man up" reflects this, and that's why it's fallen out of favor in certain circles, but editing little bits of popular culture like that does not a societal change effect.

For the majority of people reading this, their fathers grew up or were adults as this central masculine image started to be eroded, around the beginning of the twenty-first century. It has since become far more acceptable for men to speak their truth about their issues, and express themselves-- at least, we'd like to think it has. The truth is, men's mental health is still treated as the butt of sitcom jokes, and there's comparatively little in the way of advocacy and resources for those who seek to improve themselves in this area. In fact, June is Men's Mental Health Awareness Month, something that is not discussed nearly as much as it ought to be.

Men should not be expected to discard key parts of the human experience because they happen to have certain chromosomes (and neither should women, of course). It's beyond a cliche at this point to see the old man, wound tight into a ball of emotions he does not have the tools or ability to healthily express because our society never showed him how. We know that this is a cliche, and we know that it bears truth in people around us, but there's not been enough of a change.

I have friends who've lost their fathers because the mental weight they carried from not being allowed to express their fears, joys and true selves was too heavy for them-- men are four times more likely to take their own lives. I know fathers that struggle with this, that worry they are not good enough as dads or partners or members of their community because they exist in a kind of superposition between the person they are and the person they're expected to be. This Father's Day, I'm going to take the opportunity that the holiday presents to speak to them, to offer my support and offer to do more. Even though I'm writing this now and have taken the time to try and plan it, I still don't entirely know what I'll say.

I'm sure a few folks will snort and say something about me being a buzzkill or that I'm too sensitive. The truth is, it's exactly that kind of attitude that fuels the misery I'm talking about. We've all heard the phrase "loneliness epidemic" in the Social Media Age (a can of worms I will not be opening today), and this is compounded for men. In a study in 2024, fifteen percent of men stated that they had "no close friends," five times as many as 1990. There are a lot of things that have changed since that year, of course, and I could write a dozen essays on them ranging from the loss of community to our changing expectations of socialization. The detrimental outcome of this epidemic and the toxic masculinity that anchors it, however, is clear; 77% of men report symptoms of stress, anxiety and/or depression, while 40% have never spoken to anyone about their mental health.

That is very grim, I know, but I have faith that we can make positive differences in the lives of dads if we help them know and remember that they do not have to go it alone. Father's Day can be symbolic of taking that chance, helping to better the lives of those who are responsible for our own.

If you're up for it, here's a few resources that might be of help to you:

(If you or someone you know needs mental health help in the United States, you can text 988 and speak to a professional who can get you the information and resources you need for your area.)

I know that this blog was pretty heavy and dealt with... a lot, honestly. All the same, though, I'd rather speak up than be silent, and again, I know that we can make things better for people. That is part of what Nakee was founded on, after all, and is a cornerstone of my own life's mission. In any case, thank you so much for reading. I hope you have a wonderful weekend and a great Father's Day. This is Brendan, signing off for now.

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